Heart Out

Why is it so easy to talk your heart out to strangers? Why can I so easily spill all my secrets to random people living in far away places yet I cannot even share one with my own family? Why can I lay my soul bare in a blog but not in real life?

Why on earth is it so easy to be personal where everything is impersonal?

I wish I had the answers to these questions but I don’t. I was never good with sharing personal details because I didn’t want them to define any part of my existence. I want ME to define ME. But I think I got lost somewhere because I ended up not knowing who ME really was. Am I the person I used to be?

Everyone who I meet from my school days claims, “Gosh! You haven’t changed at ALL!”

But then why do I feel so different from the self I once was. A shadow of a self.

I am in my early twenties so it is a little early to be having a mid life crisis I think =P I hope! But this thing, this black hole, this unending chasm of uncertainty that I find myself in is already making me question my existence. I am glorifying the past and being apprehensive of the future. Which is actually pretty pathetic.

Maybe it is just a rite of passage. Maybe everyone goes through this. Maybe Graduating is just a pretty name for being unceremoniously thrown in the dark unknown. Or as every teacher says “The Real World”.

So for now, I am just hunting for Roses in Rust, keeping an eye out for Daisies in Cracks. Trying to find beauty in the messed up Today.

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Paradoxical Life

When the sky is dark and stormy, when the rain lashes down heavy and unforgiving, and when the wind blows with titan like force, my whole being comes alive. Just standing underneath such a tempestuous sky frees my soul. The feeling of freedom and exuberance that I get when i am soaked to the bone, and all around me nature turbulent in all its wild and powerful glory, is one i truly live for.

But it is also in moments like these that i realize how shackled my existence truly is. Norms and routines and etiquette and the constant do’s and don’t’s that plague my life, had plagues my life and quite likely will continue to plague my life.

So in the moment when both my body and soul experience a sense of utter and blissful freedom, my mind becomes oppressed with the realization of how shackled and limited a life I actually lead.  Continue reading

Things Past

Its funny that whenever I write a poem, it ends up sounding melancholy. Whether I am I feeling so or not. Though I am generally a very positive person. =D

The poem i am posting today is not my work entirely. It was a project I undertook with a friend of mine. And it turned out too true, too real. I have always enjoyed school and university ( utterly bizarre of me, I know =P). But I believe that no matter how hard one tries, there are always things left undone, words unspoken and moments missed. It is a choice we make. Continue reading

Stigma

Recently, a friend of mine asked me to write a poem addressing the stigma attached to mental illness. I hadn’t written anything for a really long time, so when i opened Microsoft Word and looked at the blank page, I had no real hope or expectation to be able to write anything. But suddenly, my mind was full of words, phrases, and shockingly, they all actually made sense. And i starting typing,

 

Considered a weed among flowers, a deciduous among evergreens

Concealed and unwanted, the world wants no part of me

Grown from the same soil, fed from the same air

I yearn to be one and the same, but I see blue where the world sees green

Who’s to tell a rose is a rose, a weed is a weed

Can one not be the other, can the other not be the one

Accept me for me, with my flaws and my issues

Shut me not out, keep me not hidden

Don’t parade me as a flower, when no petals grow on me

I am what I am, accept me or just let me be

 

And before i knew it, I had before me a Poem. =)

I didn’t care if it was any good, I only cared that after weeks of suffering from Writer’s Block, I was finally free of it. Hallelujah!!

Writer’s Block or simply a Wannabe Writer’s Block, i wont differentiate. =P So this Poem emerged like a Rose from a Rusty brain. It is my Rose in Rust. So it seems fitting that its my very first post in my new blog. =D