Why is it so easy to talk your heart out to strangers? Why can I so easily spill all my secrets to random people living in far away places yet I cannot even share one with my own family? Why can I lay my soul bare in a blog but not in real life?
Why on earth is it so easy to be personal where everything is impersonal?
I wish I had the answers to these questions but I don’t. I was never good with sharing personal details because I didn’t want them to define any part of my existence. I want ME to define ME. But I think I got lost somewhere because I ended up not knowing who ME really was. Am I the person I used to be?
Everyone who I meet from my school days claims, “Gosh! You haven’t changed at ALL!”
But then why do I feel so different from the self I once was. A shadow of a self.
I am in my early twenties so it is a little early to be having a mid life crisis I think =P I hope! But this thing, this black hole, this unending chasm of uncertainty that I find myself in is already making me question my existence. I am glorifying the past and being apprehensive of the future. Which is actually pretty pathetic.
Maybe it is just a rite of passage. Maybe everyone goes through this. Maybe Graduating is just a pretty name for being unceremoniously thrown in the dark unknown. Or as every teacher says “The Real World”.
So for now, I am just hunting for Roses in Rust, keeping an eye out for Daisies in Cracks. Trying to find beauty in the messed up Today.